Days 23-27 - Cleanse 2017


In December, during my last trip to NYC, I visited someone I lovingly refer to as my "witch doctor." She is an extremely knowledgeable French woman who is a medical intuitive and naturopath, but also a scientist. And she is gorgeous - long sleek black hair, waifish figure, and an unidentifiable age (either 50-60s or immortal).

Her office is in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, so after a long train ride from midtown and a few transfers, there was also a long walk from the subway with two intensely heavy bags in tow. When I arrived, I found myself in front of a somewhat intimidating apartment rowhome protected by a chain-link fence. I called her to let me in, and once she retrieved me, she escorted me to a "waiting room." If I hadn't known two other people who had previously visited her, I think I would have been seriously concerned for my life: the building was eerily quiet with just a few distant voices drifting in from a separate room, the furniture looked like it had not been touched since the 1970s, paint was peeling off the wall, and there was a collection of plastic cat dishes drying in the dish rack by the sink but no cats anywhere in sight. It felt the scenery from an episode of True Detective.

After about 20 minutes of waiting, she escorted me to another room that was more inviting, and had 2 giant tree-plants growing by the window. The moment I sat down on the couch across from her, she asked, "What happened to you at your birth?" Well, from what I learned in developmental psychology, most people don't quite remember the moment of birth. However, I DID know that my mom had a difficult labor, and ultimately, I was pulled out with forceps (and consequently had a cone head for the first few months of life).

Apparently, this had a detrimental impact on my health. When babies are born, the doc relayed, upon their first breath, the immunoglobulin groups formulate in the chest. Mine did not formulate properly, which has resulted in a lifetime weakness in the parasympathetic activity underneath my skin. The soft tissue of my blood vessels is also weak, so my body cannot properly detoxify itself. In horror, she said, "You cannot have wine or cheese without feeling badly. This is a terrible situation!" Being that she is French, I understand her vicarious pain.

As little as I understood about what she was saying (aside from the technicality of her diagnosis, she also had a very thick accent), my mind and body had a huge AHA. This felt like the missing link: the answer to my skin issues, digestion, tinnitus, etc. While I'm able to manage my health through diet and supplementation, if I diverge from the path even one bit, I suffer.

SO, how do I fix this?!?!

She recommended an extremely aggressive approach. And it would primarily involve water.

"Go to Budapest, and bathe in the thermal waters for 2-4 hours per day. Drink sodium water. Go to infrared saunas. Take this detox tea I will make for you. And you may be able to reset the nucleus inside of your cells."

WHOA. My doctor of natural voodoo is telling me to take a trip to one of the most beautiful cities in Europe and swim in baths all day?!? I'm IN.

I leave April 1, 2017 for London, and then I will make my way to Budapest for 4 weeks. I will follow this protocol to a T. She said that if I am successful, I will completely transform my health. That I've been living in an energetic shell my entire life, and that resetting my nuclei could create an energetic change so attractive and powerful, that I will be completely irresistible.

Worst case scenario: I take an amazing trip to Europe.

Best case scenario: I return a SUPERHERO.

The 30-day cleanse I started in January has now become a 120-day cleanse. In preparation for the trip, last Wednesday, I started drinking the magical tea she mixed up for me, and I already see a difference in my skin. I'm not exactly sure what's in it, but guessing there's some catnip because when I came home the other night, the plastic bag was on the floor and almost completely ripped to shreds. And little miss kitty was practically foaming at the mouth. 

Cheers to SOMETHING seriously GOOD.