Healing Journey - Days 30 + 31

Didja miss me yesterday??

Imma believe y'all said yes. 

I am a workaholic. I could be working every moment of every day, which isn't all that bad because I love my job. However, to avoid complete and utter burnout, I need to learn to rest. So, I have to schedule it in and hold myself accountable to it.

Yesterday, I did (almost) just that. I woke up on the earlier side, followed my morning routine--at least part of it--got a smoothie at Vegan Love and went to the baths for a few hours. I did have coaching calls in the afternoon, but I let myself off the hook with blogging. And with that freedom, I was able to go to bed before midnight, which was kind of amazing. I think all the creativity of blogging at night is making me want to stay awake and do more creative things. Though, in general, I do feel like I'm more tapped into my creative flow at night: my brain really doesn't turn on until about 3 PM, and gets cooking around 8 or 9 PM. Not entirely sure if that's a product of habit, or natural circadian rhythm. Either way, I am trying to slowly break myself because I start to feel seriously STRUNG OUT by 1 AM.

ANNNNND ... Sweet mother of Earth, I woke up before 10 AM today!!! Which means I could finally take that yoga class I've been eyeing!

BUT FIRST.

I had a dream last night that I decided to adopt a baby. I was in the subway in NYC, and I saw a baby sleeping in a baby carriage. The baby looked unattended, like someone had just left it there for me to adopt. I was so excited even though the baby was a little bit older than I had imagined adopting (like a year instead of just-birthed), and I took it home. A few hours later some very angry Hispanic man knocked on the door and told me that I stole a baby. I was very surprised since it definitely seemed like the baby was abandoned. He said the police were on their way, so he came inside and sat on the couch to wait. My friend Kristina was also looking to adopt a baby, but HA! I beat her to the punch. Also, it looked like I would make it to prison first, too. I hoped that the police would take mercy on me and see that I was doing a service for humanity, not stealing a baby.

BACK TO YOGA.

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Today was the first day I've stepped on a yoga mat in a good 5 months. In fact, it's the first time I've done any "real" exercise (other than my NYC-style speed walking around Budapest) in 5 months.

Confession: I do NOT like yoga. I find it incredibly boring. I am watching the clock every second, and I'm cheering inside when Savasana comes at long last. If the class is more than an hour long, I am usually ready to pull out my brain by the end, and this class was 90 MINUTES! 

I realize, however, that having such a strong aversion to something really means you desperately need it. And this overwhelming dislike is resistance (though, sometimes overwhelming dislike is because something really does suck, like having to scrape dog poop off the bottom of your shoe because some lazy jerk felt too superior to pick it up off the ground). SOOOO, I commit. I push through the resistance, and I show up.

I know it's recommended to practice yoga on an empty stomach. I haven't eaten yet, so I'm following instructions. Except I'm terrified I'll get hungry or pass out during the practice. Also, when I arrive, I discover it's HOT yoga. FARRRRKKK! My nose usually bleeds when I do hot yoga. So I don't DO hot yoga. Today, I am going to do hot yoga. I am committed.

It's me and 5 other ladies who look like they do hot yoga. A LOT.

I'm intimidated. Also, the teacher is Hungarian and directing us in Hungarian. I don't want my secret to be discovered--that I'm an outlander-- so I try to get through the whole class without anyone knowing I speak English. It doesn't last long because I'm doing all the poses wrong and not following her directions properly, so she personally comes over to my mat and starts speaking in furious Hungarian. And I think about just nodding and turning away, but she eventually asks if I speak English. Foiled! 

We get into some serious stretching and holding of poses for many minutes. I'm freaking out on the inside, but pretending that this is what I like to do for fun. I'm INTO it.

"Why is this so hard?!? Oh yeah, BREATHE, Mandy. Use those lungs. Allow oxygen to enter your body. You will be ok. Ohhhhh, look at that chick GOOOO with her one-legged squatting trick! She must be a yoga teacher, too. Ha-HAAAAAAA. I can do this next pose and you CAN'T. Gosh I'm so flexible, is everyone marveling at my superhuman stretching abilities?!? Ugh, I'm terrible at inversions. No one look at me. I'm gonna pretend I'm thirsty right now and drink the water. Ahhhhh, I WAS thirsty, so I wasn't lying. Wait, we are lying down right now. Is it over? Did I get the schedule wrong? Maybe it's only a 60- minute class, not 90. Wait, WUUUUUUUUUT? OMG it's SAVASANA already!!! She's turning off the lights! Awww man, I didn't push myself enough. I was reserving my strength for all the hard parts. Now it's over, and I didn't even sweat that much. 

OHHHHHHHH SHIT. OHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOO. 

We are getting up again. We are standing and bending over now.

It was a trick! It was NOT Savasana. It was a fake-out! FARK AGAIN!!! 

HOW AM I GONNA GET THROUGH THE NEXT 45 MINUTES?!?!?!

BREATHE. You're gonna be fine. It's only 45 minutes. Your body is a miracle. Train your mind."

And you know what. I was fine. I was more than fine. She didn't do the insane rounds of 40 million trillion sun salutations that are all the rage in the NYC power yoga classes I've been to. We STRETCHED. FOR A LONG TIME. I guess that's what yoga is supposed to be. And the heat wasn't even that hot. They were using space heaters so it could only get so strong in there. And I felt super great after. For, like, hours.

And clearly Hungarian yogis do it differently. TWO SAVASANAS. One in the middle, and a longer one at the end. At least now I know to prepare myself for the fake-out next time. 

Flying high from accomplishment and endorphins, I walk home with the renewed hope that I can stay committed to this practice. Allow my mind to settle. Transform boredom into peace, awareness, presence. Surrender to each moment.

On the way back to my Airbnb, I do a little grocery shopping, see some glorious sights, hang at the baths for 3 hours, and lead a webinar on using essential oils in pregnancy

I wanted to take a nap about 3 different times today, so peace out, my friends.